How signing a lease change my perception

A six months lease.

That’s all it takes to feel a bit more grounded.

After quite a while traveling. Living in very short term apartments. Knowing that you have to leave the apartment and, possibly, the country in less than three months, gives you a feeling of transience that makes you feel free and light, but also alert and not restful, because soon there’s going to be another move, a new place, new faces and places to discover and get familiar with. So much energy!

I’ve been yearning for a “home” for quite some time. This floating around sometimes gets old. Sometimes I fail to see the positives of a constant traveling, a constant changing environment, a constant saying goodbye. All very enriching but oh so ephemeral.

A need to belong.

I understood lately the benefits of creating a routine to conquer the feeling of impermanence. That’s why I try to put in place a basic routine since the first week I arrive on a new place. Yet, knowing that if I don’t find a suitable place for a longer I might need to move, cause me a lack of motivation to spend the energy to get involved in this passing environment. I feel that the least trace and marks I leave the better. I am gonna leave after all.

Having a place under my name for the next 6 months might seem a small, unimportant thing for you. For me, it’s not. I haven’t had a place to call mine since over 3 years. And it was fine at the beginning, later it started to put a weight on my shoulders.
Not having a place to go back, to retreat and relax. A place where you are rooted, a place where you feel you belong, was making me feel that I don’t exist. That I was floating around and loosing my identity.

I don’t know if I will ever feel that I belong here or not but at least I have the chance, and that’s all I need to start building upon.