“Light can only be understood with the wisdom of darkness” – Ka Chinery, Perceptions from the Photon Frequency
A curse can become a blessing, a weakness a superpower, and your darkness can be your light.
We have all the traits inside us. We are everything. We are perfect because we are complete, and are born with the ability to develop every single aspect.
Few months ago I read The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford. The book resonated deeply as my “darknesses” are something I have been very aware of, fighting them, pretending they are not there or identifying myself with them, becoming my darkness and then putting on a costume to disguise. Darkness were for me a burden weighing me down and something to fight against. So, my relationship with darkness has always being an intense belligerent one. I might end up accepting my darknesses but no way I was going to love that damned shady part of me, nor could you trick me into believing that there is a bright side coming directly from those lightless tenebrous cave-like corners of me.
As I was reading the book I decided to work on the mayor dark side I was aware of those days. Shyness. Shyness being completely assimilated into my life, completely identified with it too. I am shy. That is who I am, a shy person. Resignation. Acceptance. Love? Not so much.
Loving my shyness has always being out of question. How could someone love something that hinders your interactions with others? That causes pain whenever you have to do anything that involves talking to another person: from shops, phone calls, public transport, to asking for directions, from answering the teacher in school, to do a job interview. When your choice career becomes one of the biggest challenges you have to face. When making friends becomes a sad chore and talking to people you are attracted to becomes an impossible dream… You know what I mean, I believe the majority of us experience some shyness to some extent in different moments in life and some others experience shyness in every moment in their lives.
So, no, my shyness was not loved, and since I was shy, I was not loving myself. I accepted myself with resignation but that was how far I could go.
One of chapters in the book asks you to search for the positive things in your life that came from being shy. Still, I was having a hard time finding them, but I ended up realising that probably my rebelliousness and warlike attitude towards every social aspects of life was a product of this shyness. I took interacting with people, my dreamed career and my social life as a challenge and I fight tooth and nail to beat my shyness and become proficient in all those areas.
See? Fighting my shyness, not lovingly accepting what is. Not seeing it as a gift. Even when shyness definitely brought a bright gift. Something that it is likely to become the best gift of my life (up to the current day at least).
“Why?” – you may wonder.
Because I believe that what challenges us the most is what we are meant to overcome. Because life / Universe / God wants us to flourish and for that reason it brings challenges. However, it is up to us to face them or hide away from them. Both are acceptable; I have spent about 35 years hiding away from fully facing the challenge life threw at me… And I may had lived an alright life had I not taken up the glove.
But I took up that damn glove.
Let me tell you one thing, consciously accepting this challenge has been the best decision I could have taken. Because it is one of this decisions that changes everything and makes everything fall into place, that gives yourself a purpose and drives you, fuels you and opens your eyes to the light.
Last night I went up into a tiny cornered stage, with a mic in front of me and a group of people looking at me and my performance (some of them actually judging me, but that was ok as they were there for that reason…).
And I liked it. I enjoyed it. So much I want to do it again. And again. And again. And become better at it.
Who would have said a year ago, that I was going to be craving going into a stage and speak my words? Believe me, there is not a single person in my life, not even myself, who would have imagined this outcome.
And as I was coming back home I was feeling completely at peace, pleased and light. No burden. No costume. No hiding. Finally loving my shyness because it led me to work full on on my public speaking skills. And the thing is that we normally feel the need to improve that what we think we are not good enough at. And when we can’t ignore that call, we listen and we master it. And because it was that hard to get there, we tend to appreciate it it more.
We feel so darn powerful. And we are!
But for that, we really, really need to step into the dark side, not only accepting that is there, but loving it for being there, because when there is love there is no place for fear. Love makes us bold (not blind).